2010

Kind of hard to sum up 2010. The first half was honestly the best 6 months of my entire life. The last 6 have been the worst. I guess going on that mentality, it was just an ok year if you average them out. The first half taught me a lot about myself, what I am capable of, what I am meant to be. It felt natural to be in a relationship. It felt like that's how I should be living my life. I know you can't force it, and I know it's a two way street.

The Holiday season is especially hard. I love Christmas time and spending it with my family and friends. This year is different though. I almost just want to skip it. Last year's Christmas was by a land slide my favorite Christmas of all time. Better than when my parents got me Nintendo. I got to spend it with someone I loved, and to show her a loving family in return was greater than anything I'd ever been a part of in my entire life.

The past 6 months have been the hardest of my life. I still have sleepless nights, I still think about her, I still dream of laying on the couch with her under a blanket. I know it sounds ridiculous, but 6 months later, I still yearn for what we had. I thought we were getting so much stronger and the prospects we had for the future were limitless. I'd never imagined it would end that way, and I honestly don't think I'll ever be able to accept that. But, the only thing I can do is try to move on and take it a day at a time.

Initially, I told myself after 6 months - roughly the start of 2011, I wanted to be free and clear of her. I now realize that's just not possible. It honestly boils down to finding someone else. Seeing if I can experience something greater than I had with Alexis. That way I can be "shown" that there might be someone better for me out there, not just going off of some false hope.

After all is said and done, I wouldn't erase our relationship to erase the pain of heartbreak. She opened me up to feelings and thoughts I only thought I was capable of. 2010 was certainly a year I'll remember for a long time.

Updates

Date night with Julie was great. We met up at about 7:30 and went out to Luna's in NoVA. Turns out, we shut the place down at 10. I feel like that's a good sign! I think we are going to meet up for another date before we have the Santa party at Mike's place on the Thursday before Christmas. I'd like to get another date in there so we can click some more. We'll see where this takes us...who knows. I mean if it turns in to something, great. If not, then that's ok too. I have fun hanging out with her. That's all that matters for now.

Down to 224 at the gym from a high of 253. My goal is 199. I know the "number" doesn't mean anything, body fat percentage, muscle mass, all that really matters more. I really don't care if I lose all the muslce mass that I've tried so hard to gain over the years. I just want to feel "slim". I am taking the week off from running though, I felt like my knees were really starting to lag behind. Hopefully this will rejuvinate me and remotivate me for that half marathon in May.

JJ told me on Friday that Katie is pregnant with their second kid. I'm very happy for them. They are great parents and I know another addition to the family will be fantastic. I'm predicting boy, they don't want to know until the kid pops out. I don't think I could handle that, I'd want to know asap.

HATE COMCAST

Just wrote a huge post, but of course Comcast made FireFox crash - so it's gone.

Cliffs:
- Alexis has a new bf
- She apparently got in to an accident and her car is smashed up
- Used to live the crazy life style before me, got in to accidents, same thing happening again
- Karma is a bitch, bitch
- GOOD. Eff her. Glad I have something to get angry and build hate on
- Eff her bf who was probably in her ear the whole time we were dating and I didn't go skydiver with her
- Met a girl named Julie, hung out a few times in a group setting
- Got a date with her next week, just us
- Very excited
- Makes me smile to think someone else is showing interest in me