2010

Kind of hard to sum up 2010. The first half was honestly the best 6 months of my entire life. The last 6 have been the worst. I guess going on that mentality, it was just an ok year if you average them out. The first half taught me a lot about myself, what I am capable of, what I am meant to be. It felt natural to be in a relationship. It felt like that's how I should be living my life. I know you can't force it, and I know it's a two way street.

The Holiday season is especially hard. I love Christmas time and spending it with my family and friends. This year is different though. I almost just want to skip it. Last year's Christmas was by a land slide my favorite Christmas of all time. Better than when my parents got me Nintendo. I got to spend it with someone I loved, and to show her a loving family in return was greater than anything I'd ever been a part of in my entire life.

The past 6 months have been the hardest of my life. I still have sleepless nights, I still think about her, I still dream of laying on the couch with her under a blanket. I know it sounds ridiculous, but 6 months later, I still yearn for what we had. I thought we were getting so much stronger and the prospects we had for the future were limitless. I'd never imagined it would end that way, and I honestly don't think I'll ever be able to accept that. But, the only thing I can do is try to move on and take it a day at a time.

Initially, I told myself after 6 months - roughly the start of 2011, I wanted to be free and clear of her. I now realize that's just not possible. It honestly boils down to finding someone else. Seeing if I can experience something greater than I had with Alexis. That way I can be "shown" that there might be someone better for me out there, not just going off of some false hope.

After all is said and done, I wouldn't erase our relationship to erase the pain of heartbreak. She opened me up to feelings and thoughts I only thought I was capable of. 2010 was certainly a year I'll remember for a long time.