One thing I've been trying to do a lot more of is listen to music. I've always felt I've had a connection with music - much more so than just the average fan. I hear things differently, I hear different pieces, I listen to the lyrics, I try and understand the soul behind the song, try and understand where that artist is coming from and how they chose to translate that in to music. Mostly I am a rock guy, but whenever I get out of sorts, I switch it up. No need to listed to Deftones when I'm in a sad and low mood. They are my favorite band, but they don't bring me out of it that way. Anyway, I was watching a HD live show of Coldplay (yes, yes, I know) and they showed two of their most popular songs, which happen to be my favorites too. Melodically, they are beautiful., lyrically perfect. It's amazing to me how these pieces all come together and paint a picture. There are five song lyric snippets I want to share:
1) Coldplay - Fix You:
"When you feel so tired but you can't sleep
Stuck in reverse
And the tears come streaming down your face
When you lose something you can't replace
When you love someone but it goes to waste
Could it be worse?"
---Could this honestly fit my situation better? Absolutely spot on lyrics. This is one of those songs that I choose to relate to me, not to anyone else. I feel like it is talking to me. I don't want to get in to the detailed break down of why I love these lyrics. I just wanted to share them.
2) Coldplay - The Scientist:
"Nobody said it was easy
It's such a shame for us to part
Nobody said it was easy
No one ever said it would be this hard
Oh, take me back to the start"
---Again, exactly what I am feeling. "No one ever said it would be this hard". You know, you always hear about heart break and how it's the worst, and you think of chicks sitting on the couch in sweats and eating a tub of ice cream. That's what I pictured for the longest time. If I'm honest, I never saw myself dating more than one person. I know that's a weird thing to say, but I wanted to meet someone and not ever "lose" them. Was Alexis the one? I have no idea. Could she have been? Sure. As I said before - I think we only scratched the surface of our relationship after a year and a half and that made me so excited for the future.
3) Kid Cudi - Man On the Moon:
"Guess if I was simple in the mind
Everything would be fine
Maybe if I was jerk to girls
Instead of being nice and speakin kind words
But then maybe it would be ok to say then
I wasn't a good guy to begin with"
---Just seems like a guy who is doubting himself. Thinking if I was not as emotional, if I was not as loving or caring, that it would be ok. This is where I'm at. That is me though. I wear my emotions on my sleeve. I'm an open and honest guy and that's the way it will be forever. I treat people with respect and 99 times out of 100, but the ones I love in front of myself. I like to think of myself as a very selfless person. Making other people happy and seeing them get enjoyment out of things that I do gives me more pleasure than getting those same benefits.
4) Pearl Jam - Black:
"I know someday you'll have a beautiful life, I know you'll be a star
In somebody else's sky, but why, why, why
Can't it be, can't it be mine?"
---Again, sort of a pity party for me. A lot of these lyrics not only are beautiful on paper, but the way it is translated and sung in the song is very moving. "I know you'll be a star in somebody else's sky..." this is true with every broken relationship. Alexis tells me she doesn't know if she EVER wants to get married and I just flat out don't believe that. I want her to be happy, I just wished she was happy with me :-/
5) Blink 182 - Story of a Lonely Guy:
"I need a drink, cause in a while
Worthless answer from friends of mine
It's dumb to ask, cool to ignore
Girls posess me, but they're never mine"
---I need my friend and family to help me through this. I don't think their answers are worthless, but in the end it is up to me to figure out. They can only say so much. It's not like I'll be talking to Mike and all of a sudden a light bulb will go off. It just helps to vent my thoughts and feelings. I like these lines because it's a different take on a break up. I've always wanted a serious relationship - but for whatever reason, it's never panned out and Alexis happened to be the first one.
I am going to keep doing my thing, and trying to "get out there". I'm not letting this get in the way of some possible future relationship. It's not like when I talk to girls I am thinking "oh my gosh, I'm still in love with Alexis". I keep telling myself - ok, this is the hand I've been dealt, I need to just accept that. I want someone to love, I want someone to love me back. Who that person is, I have no idea. I don't want to force anything, I just want to feel good. I want to feel like myself and go from there.
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