Wednesday update

Yesterday I stayed around NoVA and crashed at Mike's place. It helps with the commute since he lives about 10 minutes from my office. I also participated in the Shirlington Running Club for the second week in a row. It's just a simple running club that runs around 3.5 miles every Tuesday and has a Happy Hour afterward. Good way to socialize and get some exercise. This week was a lot harder than last since the temperature dropped about 20 degrees. If it gets much colder I don't think I can handle it with the exercise induced asthma.

Other than that, no real news to report. I saw Alexis at the gym again today, but we managed to stay on opposite sides and do our own thing, no contact at all. Honestly, it is kind of childish. I know it will probably hurt to talk to her, but I don't want to act like some sixth grader that is afraid to talk to girls. I feel like it would be easier just to say "hi" and then do whatever I want to do at the gym as opposed to being weirded out by working out next to her. Like I said, I have absolutely no desire to be friends, but I hate this awkwardness too. I feel like I am looking over my shoulder to make sure I don't run in to her and that is stupid.

I have no idea how serious break ups work, that is painfully obvious. I wish this had happened way earlier in life, but, thems the breaks. I don't know how to act, I don't know what to say, IF I should say, anything. The most bizarre feeling is that I know I don't want to be with her, but at the same time, I just wish she'd say something to me. I almost wish she'd apologize for everything and say she wants to talk. Maybe it'd be satisfying hearing she was wrong or regretted what she did? But honestly what would that accomplish? Nothing. I know this, but it still doesn't help.

I'm a numbers, I need proof of things. I hate the idea of just "accepting" something as fact, simply because that's what someone says. People tell me there are a million other chicks out there that I could love just as much if not more than her. Logically, this makes sense. There HAS to be someone else out there for me. But at the same time, it took me 27 years to find her, so it is kind of hard just to "accept" that fact. My brain is so jumbled up, sometimes I feel like I don't even know which way is up.

Overall, the last two days haven't been THAT bad. It's just weird that I still constantly think about her. With everything. Lots of things remind me of her. I see a lot of things and immediately think "Oh Alexis would love this...". Just a lot for me to handle and sitting at home at night by myself certainly doesn't help out.